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Post by superspud234 on May 7, 2007 11:46:20 GMT -5
JAKE: PLEASE UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *yawns* man im bored.
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Post by roselong121 on May 9, 2007 23:19:36 GMT -5
Rose: Jake! I can't believe what you just said.. Oh well here's the next chappie.
"This is way too easy!"
Jake swooped down and took out two more guards. Soon he turned and saw Fred Nerk being closed in upon. "Try a little Dragon fire baby." Jake said incerating the last few of the attackers. Jake posed ready to take on what ever was coming next. Just then the wals faded to black and ultimitly dissappeared.
"Great job Mr. Long. You have improved more than some of our top dragons." Jake turned to face the councilor as he commented on Jake's performance. Jake smirked over in the direction of Fred to make sure he was listening to this.
"We, the council I mean, would like to test your skills to see if you are ready to go on to the next level of your training." The African dragon smiled down at Jake as he spoke these words.
"Cool, so I guess the Am drag is ahead of his competition." Jake asked smugly watching Fred Nerk becoming jelous out of the corner of his eye. This day couldn't get any better.
"According to this chart your grandfather is below your teaching level. Meaning, we would need to assign you a new dragon master." Jake felt as if he had dry-swallowed a large pill. Not be Gramps student anymore?! He couldn't do that.
"Or better yet you could move to the World Dragon Council and train here."
Now Jake was feeling awful, he could barely leave his Gramps, but they wanted him to leave New York too?! All Jake could say was " Could I have lunch to prepare for this?"
The council turned to one another and nodded. "Yes Mr. Long. See you afterwards for your evaluation."
Jake ran as fast as he could out of the building and into a small cafe. He had no idea what he was going to do about all of this.
Rose: And neither do I, so all for now.
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Post by superspud234 on May 10, 2007 13:15:15 GMT -5
Jake: Awwww man! I have to move away from NYC and GRAMPS?!?! AND ALL I CULD SAY IS Could I have lunch? *dies* By the way have sum Roses for an excellent story!
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Post by redemption on May 10, 2007 15:24:51 GMT -5
I COME WITH CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.
First of all, don't get me wrong. Your story has potential, and your writing is very good and IC. There are just a few grammatical errors, really easy to fix.
'"Cool, so I guess the Am drag is ahead of his competition." Jake asked smugly watching Fred Nerk becoming jelous out of the corner of his eye.'
This should be:
"Cool, so I guess the Am drag is ahead of his competition," Jake said smugly.'
You make it sound as though Jake is asking a question in your original statement, whereas to me it comes across as though he's making a statement, in which case you would use a comma instead of a period or question mark (unless he actually is asking a question, in which case you'd use a question mark).
Again: You're a good writer. You have lots of potential. I just noticed some things that were off and thought you should know about it so your writing can be even better. ^_^
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Post by roselong121 on May 10, 2007 23:45:31 GMT -5
Rose:OO, OMG Iv'e got someone critiquing my writing. Thanks. *gasps* Jake don't die! Your fate is not set in stone. Let me write more before you decide..
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Post by superspud234 on May 14, 2007 12:40:38 GMT -5
Jake: Fate set in what? Man don't confuse me! Pretty please update!
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Post by roselong121 on May 14, 2007 17:40:56 GMT -5
Rose: Is this good Jake? Sorry for such a wait but, school is trying to kill me. And hot wings tried to also.. LOL? BTW.
Jake sat at a table tracing his finger tips along his espresso’s rim. He was so unprepared for what he was going to tell Rose. It seemed as if she and Jake would never be together. Jake glanced up at the café shop door as the bells jingled. There he saw her; looking around for Jake. As their eyes connected Rose immediately smiled at Jake. Jake faked a smile back to her. That smile of hers she flashed, could light up a dark room but it could do nothing for the way he felt today.
“Hi Jake! So how did DT go today?” Rose asked using an acronym for “Dragon Training.”
“Not bad, um the council thinks I’m ready to move up... another level.” Rose noticed how Jake talked quietly; something was wrong.
“Jake, is anything wrong?” Rose knew that at first Jake would be in denial about everything. Right on cue Jake responded with his mandatory “No, nothing.” response.
“Come on Jake, I want to know. You seem upset and I don’t like to see you upset.” Rose said grasping Jake’s hands and turning him to face her. “Please tell me...”
Jake stared into Rose’s ocean-blue eyes. He knew he couldn’t keep his secret for long. Not with her looking into his eyes that way. “Alright, it’s the council. They think that I’m more advanced than the level I’m placed at right now.” Rose smiled at him “That sounds great. Why are you disappointed about that?” Jake looked down at his feet as he mumbled “They want me to move to the council and train with a new dragon master.”
Rose now knew it meant Jake would have to leave his family, his grandfather, Fu dog, and his friends Spud and Trix behind if he went to train with the council, wherever they lived exactly. Rose also knew the only way she would see Jake would be in their dream dates (depending upon if the times were the same.) “So, I guess this would mean we couldn’t see each other any more?” Rose asked as Jake nodded sadly. “Have you called your Grandfather yet to tell him the news?” she added even though Jake’s grandfather may have been the first to know about all of this.
“No, I haven’t even gotten around to calling my parents and telling them. I know they’ll be devastated. Haley will just be glad to have a second bedroom probably.” Jake smiled a tiny bit at his own joke even though he knew Haley would probably miss him too. “You know, for some reason I think I should be happy about this. I’ve always wanted to be in a different level than where I’m at right now, but I never thought I would have to leave to train at a higher level.” Jake ran his hand over the dragon pendant he had received for his 15th birthday. Gramps had told him that it was passed down through out his family when a young dragon reached his fifteenth year. It glimmered at it hung around his slender neck. “It might be good if I trained with the World Dragon Council. I’m sure would learn a lot of new techniques probably.” Jake said trying to see the silver lining on this situation. “It wouldn’t be worth being away from you though. You know that don’t you?” Jake asked Rose after glancing over to her.
“I know that Jake, it’s just I thought.”
“You thought what?”
Rose turned to him and looked deeply at him with sadness dwelling in her eyes. Extinguishing the cheerful lights that used to dance within them. “I thought that you would be with me until our senior year, maybe college. I know this sounds way silly after only dating you for not even a full year yet but, Jake I lo-” Rose was interrupted by the ringing of Jake’s cell. He glanced over it read “Dragon Council”.
“I’m sorry, I have to go test now.” Jake said apologizing. As he got up to leave Rose grabbed his hand. He looked back at her. “Good luck.” Was all she said cracking a small yet warm smile. “Go get em Dragon-boy.”
LOL? Like Spidey’s MJ saying “Go get em Tiger.” I loved the third SM. Read and review please..
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Post by redemption on May 14, 2007 18:21:57 GMT -5
Ahhh, very nice. ^_^
I still see a few errors here and there, but overall the story is good and the pace is solid. Please continue. ;D
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Zen
Dragon-in-training
Mess with me and I will show no mercy.[ss:American Dragon | Season 2]
Posts: 1,016
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Post by Zen on May 14, 2007 20:15:25 GMT -5
update its gooooood
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Post by superspud234 on May 15, 2007 12:45:06 GMT -5
Jake: wow that's awsome! yeah school bugs me too. I hate ROTWOOD! update!!!
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Post by roselong121 on May 15, 2007 23:08:48 GMT -5
Wow, my reviews are increasing. Yay me! So I’m dishing out another chap. So sorry to say this will be one of the last chaps for this story. I will be thinking up a sequel to this while I write the final chapters. And soon I will be out of school so I will have even more time to write. So until then enjoy another chapter of “Jake’s summer.”
Jake slumped back to the hotel he was staying at; he felt as if he were walking to his execution. He kept trying to adjust this in his mind. If he tested above his level he knew the Council would immediately summon him to their location to live and train for the rest of his time being a pupil. Once he had passed all of the tests and was 21 he could become a certified Dragon. This meant no more training for him or needing a dragon master. If he tested below the level they were putting him at he would continue his life as if nothing had happened.
“Ah welcome, you’re the American Dragon yes?” Jake looked at the assistant. “Yes, I’m supposed to be tested today at this time.” Jake replied trying not to sound upset. The assistant looked at her clipboard. “Here you are Jake Long. Door number three is where you are assigned to.” Jake went down a long hallway until he reached the door numbered three. He entered to find the whole council sitting at a desk.
“Mr. Long you are a bit tardy. Did you have some trouble getting here?” Jake put on a smile and replied “Well, sometimes I’m really late.”
After about half an hour, the World Dragon Council was beginning to get quite upset with Jake’s failures. “Ooops, my bad. Hold some ice on it and I’m sure you’ll be just fine.” Jake had “accidentally” heaved a fire ball twords a member. The head councilor was beginning to get furious. “Mr. Long, what is wrong with your powers?! You nearly scorched our heads just now.”
Jake chuckled under his breath; his plan was working. Sooner or later the council would deem him unworthy and send his on his way. “I guess I probably need more training. I mean, you should have seen what happened when I tried “ring of fire”. Do you want me to show you?” Jake asked faking that he was taking in a large breath. The council all shielded themselves as the head councilor stood up and exclaimed “Stop!”
“Man, I just guess I’m not ready to advance in the field yet huh?” Jake asked dragoning down. “Young man, in all my years never have I seen such an reckless and dangerous dragon. You are going to be assigned to a new special dragon master as soon as possible.” Jake’s jaw dropped. All he wanted to do was to be bad enough so that he could stay at his level but instead, he had gotten himself moved down to the point where they thought he needed a special dragon trainer.
“No please councilor, you see I was just playing with ya’ll. I’m really not the bad...” Before Jake could say another word the wall next to him exploded blasting him into the other wall across the room. As Jake stood up and dusted himself off he found his archenemies standing before him. “Chang, Dark D? I though you all were trapped in a dimension.” Jake asked staring into the eyes of his worst foes. Chang was an ex-councilor who had been passing information of the World Dragon Council for many years without being found out until Jake figured it out from his Grandfather’s encounter with the Dark Dragon many years ago. As Jake glanced over at them he noticed that Chang was sporting a net with a person inside of it.
“Rose?! You let her go right now!”
An evil smile spread across Chang’s lips. She knew that from her new helper monkey “Bananas B.”, and also her encounter with Jake in Hong Kong, she knew Rose meant the world to him. She had found a weakness. “Surrender the dragon pendant and we will release your precious Girlfriend. You must meet us at this address at midnight tonight or else your “Rose” will become petals.” As Chang commanded Jake Bananas B. went over to Jake and handed him the address. “Yo, if you want to get your girlfriend back, you’d better be right on track. Meet us there tonight, or else it’s Rose’s life.” He rhymed to Jake. Jake glared at Bananas B. He used to be a magical guardian for Jake until he switched sides on Jake at the minute he needed him.
“You have until midnight American Dragon, until then farewell.” And with that Chang, the Dark D., and Bananas disappeared. As they left, Jake turned to the council.
“You’ve gotta help me save her.” He pleaded. Unfortunately the World Dragon Council was terrified of the Dark Dragon. “I’m sorry Mr. Long, we would need to gather some people to help fight and that could take hours.” Jake simply walked out of the room. If they were going to be cowards he knew one person gutsy enough to help him rescue Rose.
“And you want me to help?” Fred Nerk asked as Jake grabbed his backpack. “Yes, you and I are the only ones who have faced the dark dragon without fear. Together you and I can save Rose and help defeat him.” Fred Nerk studied Jake’s face; it was truly serious.
“All right, I help you save your shelia but this doesn’t mean I’m going to let you win this year.”
Jake smiled at him “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
Whooo, that’s a lot of chapter. Enjoy. And please Read and Review.
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Post by roselong121 on May 16, 2007 9:25:19 GMT -5
Sorry for the double post but, I will be updateing a little later.
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Post by superspud234 on May 16, 2007 12:35:59 GMT -5
Jake: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Rose!!!!!! Argh! Evil DARK DRAGON!
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Post by roselong121 on May 17, 2007 0:40:32 GMT -5
Thanks for the reviews yet again. I finally have come up with a title for the next story. American freshman: Jake Long.. *wait’s for something* yeah I know the title is kinda lame but oh well.
Jake flew around the docks with Fred Nerk by his side. “Why does the bad guys lair always have to be at a dock, or warehouse?” Jake asked himself. He and Fred had set out early to find where they were keeping Rose in attempt to rescue her. “If all turns for the worse, you get Rose out.” Fred Nerk turned to Jake and at first looked kinda confused. Then he smiled and said “So it’s the Pirate code for us eh?” Jake smiled back before peeking his head into the window. There inside was the Dark dragon, Chang, and most importantly Rose.
Jake tapped Fred on the shoulder and pointed into the window. “There has to be a way in somewhere in back maybe.” Fred turned and replied “I’ll go look for an entrance...” As Fred flew away, Jake turned back to the window and watched as Chang began talking to Rose.
“So you’re the American dragon’s girlfriend huh? Too bad we’ll soon control him.” Rose knew that if she kept Chang talking it would give Jake a chance to rush in and save her. “Really, because I don’t think you will be able to just by telling him to listen. He doesn’t even listen to his parents on a daily basis.” Rose grinned as Chang immediately began to reveal the plan. “I hope you get here soon Jake.”
As Fred Nerk headed around back, he found an entrance to the back of the warehouse. “What’s yous doing here?” Fred turned to face Jake’s old helper monkey. “I’m helping my friend.” It took Bananas too long to figure out what Fred meant. So by the time he had figured out what was going on; Fred had already tied him up and gagged his mouth. “There that ought to hold you. Come on mate, I found the back entrance.”
“And so the Dark Dragon shall go gather our followers as we speak.” Just then there was a rushing of wings; in stepped Fred and Jake.
“Hi Chang, you miss me?” Jake mocked as he dragoned up yet again to fight off Chang. As Jake ducked, dodged, and hit back; Fred Nerk rushed to untie Rose. “You’re that guy that’s rivals with Jake?” Fred bowed his head replying “At your service mate.”
Jake nearly got his head sliced as he jumped out of the path of Chang’s staff. “We will meet again American dragon, and that day you will not win.” She said beginning to fly off into the sky. Jake tried to go after her but it was too late; she was gone. Even Bananas had gotten away. Jake felt upset with himself. He hadn’t captured either the Dark Dragon or his assistant. Rose rushed up to him and deeply embraced him with a hug. “I’m sorry, if I had been paying more attention to what was happening I would have never ended up the damsel in distress.” Jake chuckled. “Why not, I enjoy rescuing you.”
Soon Jake faced the World Dragon Council; he knew if he confessed to purposely sabotaging his chances of being moved up maybe the most that would happen would be a punishment. Or two.
“So you see the only reason I behaved that way was because I couldn’t dream of leaving New York yet. Not my family, not my friends, and especially not Rose.” Jake confessed as he begged the council for him to be able to go back.
“American dragon, we have decided that since you behaved so childish about moving away from the ones you love. We concluded your not ready to move up in training.” The head councilor looked down at Jake and winked. “So you will resume training with Lao shi back in New York City as soon as you get back.”
Later at the going home party that the World Dragon Council threw to give the students a very nice last night in London. Jake located Rose over at the punch bowl. “Care to dance?” he asked out stretching his hand to hers. Rose smiled and allowed Jake to take her hands and lead her to the dance floor, but instead Jake led her up to the roof. He left her side to run over to the boom box and pressed play. Just then a gentle melody filled the air and soon Jake was holding her tightly as they swayed in the night air. Rose lifted her head from his shoulder and looked directly at him.
“Listen Jake, there’s been something I’ve been dieing to tell you. Ever since we used to meet in the Dream realm for our dates; there was that dream where we were in Hawaii and I was about to say something to you.”
“Oh yeah, you said you would never be able to say it to me in real life. What were you going to say?” Rose bit her lip. She had been planning to tell him all along but, what if he didn’t feel the exact same. Finally she drew up the courage.
“I love you.”
Jake smiled deeply and replied “I love you too and I’m not just saying it because you did..” Rose shut him up with a kiss. They soon resumed back to dancing as the time drifted away.
The End. (Wow, I can’t believe I actually finished a story that quickly.)
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Post by superspud234 on May 17, 2007 13:14:19 GMT -5
Jake: WOW! Totally Awsome!!!! Can't wait to read sequal!
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