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Post by jakeismylover1234 on Sept 10, 2006 18:30:32 GMT -5
finely,[glow=red,2,300] Jake [/glow]had the chanse to dance with rose & looked at her, he had never seen her all so dressed up like she was. With silk gloves up to her elbows, her hair up in a dimond burette, and sparkling jewelry hanging from her neck and ears. Spud and trixie hadn't been invited to this party, only Jake. But Jake listened to spuds in his mind, "go get her jake!" he looked at rose. She glancd over at him and then looked away. This was his chance.. he started across the ballroom and it seemed like an eternity later, he reached rose. "Rose," he said, but she had already walked to the hallway. what cud he do? he had to follow her. but where was she going by herself away from the rest of the party?
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Post by gojake on Sept 10, 2006 18:33:49 GMT -5
um, ok, yeah, it's all right, better then the ones before. Doesn't really have a story line though
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Post by jakeismylover1234 on Sept 11, 2006 11:17:28 GMT -5
Im not done yet! Gosh!
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Post by gojake on Sept 11, 2006 15:40:27 GMT -5
no need to get pissed! Merely a comment.
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fudogg
Young Warrior Dragon
I've seen Dead Man's Chest enough times to know that this is not a good thing...[ss:Lao Shi]
Posts: 1,938
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Post by fudogg on Sept 11, 2006 18:08:48 GMT -5
I'm not trying to be rude, but when you said that it's better than the others, that can be taken as an insult.
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Post by gojake on Sept 12, 2006 15:19:33 GMT -5
that depends on your point of view.
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feelgoodfailure
Young Warrior Dragon
NO RED MEAT! NO REFINED SUGAR!
DO A BR00TAL ROLL
Posts: 1,706
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Post by feelgoodfailure on Sept 13, 2006 15:46:31 GMT -5
um, ok, yeah, it's all right, better then the ones before. Doesn't really have a story line though yeah. and jakeismylover...i agree. you shouldn't get pissed because of this. normally in the first chapter of a fanfic, some sort of plot is established. you didn't really explain anything with this.
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Post by roselovesjake on Sept 15, 2006 18:47:53 GMT -5
yEs should Make you want see more of the story. I do! this looks to be Romanitic
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Post by irishdragon on Sept 16, 2006 12:43:16 GMT -5
I think it looks romantic to.
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fudogg
Young Warrior Dragon
I've seen Dead Man's Chest enough times to know that this is not a good thing...[ss:Lao Shi]
Posts: 1,938
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Post by fudogg on Sept 16, 2006 13:47:49 GMT -5
I love JakexRose fanfics. They're my favorite. Can't wait to see more.
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Post by jakeismylover1234 on Sept 20, 2006 17:22:32 GMT -5
JAke looked and Rose was sitting on a couch by herself, looking down. she wuz in a small room.
"hulllo?" he said. Rose looked up. "what's wrong?" he said. Rose smiled and laughed. "what?" he said. "nothing i'm okay," she said. Jake didn't no what 2 do. should he leave? maybe she wanted privacy. but this was alos a chance to be alone with her. He started to turn and leave. "hey,' she said, "cud you get me a glass of punch?" "yeah," he said. he ran and was so excited. but this was an oporutinity to screw up and do sumthin stupid so he was careful when he poored it and carried it down the hall. but then he looked up. a guy was standing at the doorway where rose was. he looked like he was talking to rose. jake came up behind the guy. "scuse me," he said. the guy turned around, "um, this is kind of a private room conversation" the guy said. "no he got me punch," rose said, "thanks" JAke waited and the guy moved. rose took the punch and sat back down. jake wasn't sure what to do. should he leave now?
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Post by huntsgirls1fan on Mar 25, 2007 16:06:34 GMT -5
its good but i can hardly understand it.
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