Post by yfwe on Jun 23, 2005 18:03:06 GMT -5
Dragon in Paradise: I PITY DA FOOL DAT PITIES DA FOOL
YFWE
“Dragon...”, Rose growled, as soon as she saw the two fighting on the rooftop, “This is despicable. Now I am positive he’s following me. I must tell the Huntsmaster.”
She reached into her jeans pocket, and pulled out a transmitting device- one that the Huntsmaster had given her before she’d left. If anything that was worthwhile to the Huntsclan showed up in the Bahamas, Rose was to report back. And now it seemed as if that would be the case.
She pressed a small button on the side of it. This button was how she could send the message. “Huntsmaster! This is Huntsgirl. Come in!”, she said.
It took a few minutes, but soon after, she got a reply. “Huntsgirl? What is it?” A hologram of the Huntsmaster appeared above the device.
“The dragon. It’s here”, she said, “Do you want me to...”
“Slay it? Of course I do. Why would I not?”
“I understand. Forgive me for wasting your time”. She switched off the transmitter. “Well...”, she wondered aloud, “Guess I’d better begin”. She took a quick look at the still-feuding dragon and... whatever that other thing was, and began to sprint back towards her hotel. “Time to take matters into my own hands.”
(End)
“Man, I wish Trixie’d get here!”, said the transfixed Spud, who was still staring at the road one moment, and the never-tiring Mr. T behind him the next. At the pace he was going, there was no way Trixie could catch him, though. So he was basically screwed. His options were: 1), Jump out of the cart and break something, which wasn’t too possible since he could barely stand up to begin with, 2), Fall out of the cart and make it look like he didn’t mean to, 30, try to jump out of the back of the cart and hope Mr. T would catch him, 4), Try to steer the cart so he would run into something that would make him stop, 5), Try to drive into the skatepark and look cool, 6), Go through the McDonald’s drive-thru (hey, everyone gets hungry- even scared-to-death kids in runaway shopping carts, or 7), Just ride it out, and see where he’d end. He chose 7, though 6 sounded pretty good. He just didn’t have any money. (Damn the GM Plant that laid his dad off)
“Hey look! The Statue of Liberty”, he exclaimed. He continued down the street. He was just about a hundred feet away from meeting the water. And for some odd reason, there was a police blockade right there.
“So tell me again why we’re blocking this part of the city”, asked one of the officers.
“They said that there’s a deranged man in the area”, another replied. “We’re supposed to be on the lookout for him. Oh, and by the way. AOL is protecting you against identity theft.”
“Now where have I heard that before?”
“Probably in the thousands of commercials they show every day. They’re almost as bad as Old Navy.”
“DOWN WITH PREPS!!”, yelled another.
While they continued to rant on, there were unable to see Spud coming toward them in his shopping cart. “Oh my God”, Spud cried out, “What am I gonna do? Wait! I know!” He positioned himself so that he could attempt to jump out of the cart if he wanted to. When he was a few feet away from a sideways cop car, he jumped, holding onto the cart. The cart flew up in the air, and Spud got just enough air to land on the car hood. He kept rolling and went off it. He’d made it.
Unfortunately, the police had been by a fence that separated the road from the water. So, he was now in a freefall toward the harbor’s waters. “D---it!”, he yelled before he splashed into the harbor. “Hey! I’m still okay!”, he exclaimed. The shopping cart was floating and now, so was he. He had begun to float toward Liberty Island. “Yeah! Surfing, here I come!”
“I PITY DA FOOL that floats away from Mr. T in a shopping cart from Wal-Mart, Mr. T’s favorite store next to Hot Topic!”, Mr. T called from dry land.
“Hold on there”, said one of the officers, “Jack, get over here.” They handcuffed him. “Mr. T, you are under arrest. Anything that you say may and probably will be used against you in the court of law.”
“I PITY DA FOOL that handcuffs me!”
“Jack! Are you writing that down?”
“Oh yeah.”
“Okay, Mr. T, we are placing you under arrested for armed robbery, fraud, breaking and entering, stealing a shopping cart from Wal-Mart, trying to recommend Jesse McCartney to Neverland Ranch, hijacking a short bus, war crimes in the Holocaust during World War II, the assassination attempt on Tom Daschle, stealing refrigerator magnets from Life Connection of Mississippi, spamming YFWE’s computer (I hate my computer...), trying to eat a child in a runaway shopping cart, and most of all, PITYING DA FOOL!”
Jack laughed, “Heh, I pity da fool that gets arrested.”
“Oh, yeah? Well, I PITY DA FOOL DAT PITIES DA FOOL!”
“That means you pity yourself.”
“S---.”, Mr. T relaxed, “Okay. But let’s make this quick. I have to testify in the Michael Jackson trials.” He got into a cop car, but before leaving he turned back to look at Spud, who was halfway to Liberty Island, “I’ll get you yet, sucka! Just you wait. I have connections...”
(End)
“Man, this thing never quits!”, Jake exclaimed, as he continued his battle with the Calloway Devil. Just when Jake thought he had it down for the count, it got back up and continued to fight.
“I dunno what I could do to beat this thing. It’s not like I really have any resources...”, he looked around. There was the dumpster, but not even Jake himself could lift it. And there was no neon sign, as Jake could sometimes use. (See “The Friends My Dad Had, Ch. 4) So he was basically stuck. A stalemate, of sorts. This could go on for a while.
Fortunately, it wasn’t destined to, for moments later, Jake heard a loud “Hiiyah!” come from behind him. He knew that voice. All too well.
“Dragon!”, the voice showed itself. It was the Huntsgirl, of course. But where could she have come from? First Rose, now Huntsgirl? Plus, Michael Moore got run over by an ice cream truck. This day couldn’t get any worse/weirder.
“Hey, baby. Miss me?”
“Shut up, you stupid slimy lizard!”
“Yeah, I love you too.”
Huntsgirl seemed furious, and was about to attack Jake, when she saw the thing Jake was fighting. “What the hell is that?”
“The Calloway Devil. Why?”
“Why!?! Dragon, our little encounter here will have to wait. I’ve heard of this thing, and I believe that it would make quite an addition to the Huntsclan’s collection.” She raised the staff-like weapon she always held.
“What’re you gonna do?”
“Simple. Watch and learn, Dragon Boy. You should be seeing this soon. This is the Huntsclan’s newest technological advance”, she pushed a series of buttons on the staff, so it revealed a tiny box. “Behold... the Pandora’s Box. This thing will track the closest magical creature and when it gets close, open up into a large cage and capture it. It will not stop until its target is captured.”
Jake surveyed his distance between himself and her, and then between her and the Calloway Devil. He took a small step back. “Ha! It’s closer to you than I am!”
“Very good. But I wasn’t gonna aim for you... yet. This thing is what I want right now.” She released the box, and it took off towards the Devil. But as soon as it got to it, the box simply bounced off. “What? What’s going on? The design was flawless!”
“Don’t mean to burst your bubble, but maybe this thing isn’t magical.”
“Well, then I guess YOU know what it is??”, she replied sarcastically.
“No, of course not. But I do have some advice.”
“What?”
“Duck.”
“Why, I don’t...” She spun around to see the Calloway Devil lunging toward her. She did duck, and it flew right past her. The two squared off.
“Hah!” Huntsgirl launched herself toward it, in a kicking position. It caught her by the foot. “Oh no!” It pinned her down, letting out a loud shriek. It licked its lips, bringing its face closer and closer to her...
“‘Scuse me”, Jake dove into the devil, knocking it off of Huntsgirl and into the side of a stone chimney. “Ow.”, Jake commented. “See! No one messes with my baby!”
“Dragon, shut up.”
“Hey! Daddy’s workin’ right now!” He turned back toward the devil, just in time to see it teleport... to another rooftop. And another. And another. Until it was out of sight.
“Well, we was kickin’ a-- an’ takin’ names back there, huh?”, Jake asked.
“I was doing fine by myself. Don’t take this as an invitation, dragon. I work alone.”
“No you don’t. You’ve got the Huntsclan.”
“I meant on this island. Another day, dragon.” She used her staff to also teleport away.
“Did we just.... almost work together?”, Jake asked himself, “D---. The things that the Caribbean does to ya”. He, also, departed, heading back toward his hotel.
END CHAPTER