Post by redemption on Dec 10, 2006 21:56:00 GMT -5
Weight of the World
I am hated.
Oh, I am not blind. I know I am hated. And it does not bother me, really. I have made mistakes in my life, and I have made decisions that go against what others believe because I feel it is right.
And for this I am hated.
I do not mind. The opinion of others does not bother me. This is their belief, and sometimes I go against it. I am not asking to be liked.
Because honestly, have you ever imagined what I feel?
My family and my background is none of your business. I was young and idealistic when I first fought the Dark Dragon. He destroyed all that with one flick of his claw. I was revered as a hero, the first and only dragon to face the Dark Dragon and live.
Some days, I think death might have been best for me.
My wife… she did not deserve her fate. It is painful for me to just think about. Susan, bless her, was so young when she died. I must admit that her death made me extremely protective of my daughter, to the point where I was overbearing. It was painful for me to step back, to let her love the human Jonathon. And yet, it is a decision I have never regretted.
Jake…
I know what you must think. I am angry with him—too angry. I am strict with him—too strict. I blame him sometimes for things he did not do, and I yell at him.
You try having your grandson and Dragon Student dating the Huntsgirl, and tell me how well you sleep at night.
I do not approve of Jake’s feelings for Rose. But I have not stopped him from pursuing her. There is something sweet about young love, even a love as complicated as theirs.
And yet on the inside, I worry.
By being with Rose, Jake is putting himself at risk—all it would take is one mistake, one moment, one accident, and he could be exposed. Rose, for all her Huntsclan skills, could not save him. And in my old age, I am not as strong or as fast as I used to be.
If something happens to Jake, I fear I would not be strong enough to protect him.
Close your eyes and try to imagine that. Knowing that someone you love is so close to danger, and also knowing that if the time ever comes and they are caught, you might not be strong enough to save them.
That is what I feel everyday.
All I want is to keep my grandson safe. Sometimes this means that I yell at him or do things to him that he does not deserve; but if it keeps him out of harm’s way, I could care less if he hates me. At least he is still alive to hate me when the sun rises the next day.
I am hated. I do not care.
You want to know why I do not care?
Because the ones who hate me don’t know what I feel. They do not know the helplessness of waiting, the fear of not being able to defend, the anguish of sitting off to the side and watching as people I love dance with danger and knowing there is nothing I can do if they are snared.
You might not think it, but I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. The weight of my world. And if I take one wrong step, stumble just a little, I will lose my grip and everything will come crashing down on me.
Hate me if you will. But I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I cannot afford to be wrong.
The End
Written because way to many people hate Lao Shi without fully understanding what he must feel everyday. This was my attempt to get into his head and find out.
I am hated.
Oh, I am not blind. I know I am hated. And it does not bother me, really. I have made mistakes in my life, and I have made decisions that go against what others believe because I feel it is right.
And for this I am hated.
I do not mind. The opinion of others does not bother me. This is their belief, and sometimes I go against it. I am not asking to be liked.
Because honestly, have you ever imagined what I feel?
My family and my background is none of your business. I was young and idealistic when I first fought the Dark Dragon. He destroyed all that with one flick of his claw. I was revered as a hero, the first and only dragon to face the Dark Dragon and live.
Some days, I think death might have been best for me.
My wife… she did not deserve her fate. It is painful for me to just think about. Susan, bless her, was so young when she died. I must admit that her death made me extremely protective of my daughter, to the point where I was overbearing. It was painful for me to step back, to let her love the human Jonathon. And yet, it is a decision I have never regretted.
Jake…
I know what you must think. I am angry with him—too angry. I am strict with him—too strict. I blame him sometimes for things he did not do, and I yell at him.
You try having your grandson and Dragon Student dating the Huntsgirl, and tell me how well you sleep at night.
I do not approve of Jake’s feelings for Rose. But I have not stopped him from pursuing her. There is something sweet about young love, even a love as complicated as theirs.
And yet on the inside, I worry.
By being with Rose, Jake is putting himself at risk—all it would take is one mistake, one moment, one accident, and he could be exposed. Rose, for all her Huntsclan skills, could not save him. And in my old age, I am not as strong or as fast as I used to be.
If something happens to Jake, I fear I would not be strong enough to protect him.
Close your eyes and try to imagine that. Knowing that someone you love is so close to danger, and also knowing that if the time ever comes and they are caught, you might not be strong enough to save them.
That is what I feel everyday.
All I want is to keep my grandson safe. Sometimes this means that I yell at him or do things to him that he does not deserve; but if it keeps him out of harm’s way, I could care less if he hates me. At least he is still alive to hate me when the sun rises the next day.
I am hated. I do not care.
You want to know why I do not care?
Because the ones who hate me don’t know what I feel. They do not know the helplessness of waiting, the fear of not being able to defend, the anguish of sitting off to the side and watching as people I love dance with danger and knowing there is nothing I can do if they are snared.
You might not think it, but I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. The weight of my world. And if I take one wrong step, stumble just a little, I will lose my grip and everything will come crashing down on me.
Hate me if you will. But I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I cannot afford to be wrong.
The End
Written because way to many people hate Lao Shi without fully understanding what he must feel everyday. This was my attempt to get into his head and find out.